man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
