Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
please come you make the beer taste better
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize