I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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