I'm laying in your front yard are you home
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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