So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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