I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
