two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
