I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
