think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was confusing and full of hummus
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
