I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
