i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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