Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
