i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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