come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
