I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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