i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
