you guys were way drunker than both of me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
