The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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