You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
