He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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