I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
