She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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