I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize