i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
