cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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