If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
