Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize