So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
