Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I only lived at night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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