"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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