its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sext me about skeletons
I think people are normalizing furries
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
