Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
