well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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