1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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