theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
