Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
