Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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