so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
