oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
