pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
