you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
