The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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