Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
