she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
