Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
