I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
