I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
this is an emotional support booty call
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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