Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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