she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
