I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
