You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
