I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
