Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
