last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
