he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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