I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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