i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We got so high we made milksteak
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
