I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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