literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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