I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
