She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
