I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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