You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
