if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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