Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
