I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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