It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
