Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
